Beyond enjoying the random posting about bemusement in life with Brian, I also feel an energetic release upon conclusion of the 100-Day Brevity-Blog-Challenge these last one hundred days. July 25th, 2022. Conclusion of the daily commitment to 500 words (or less, which rarely happened! :):)). Some beautiful surprises along the way that I’d like to at least name, if not explore fully.
Writing 500 words/day is much easier when I don’t have a conceptual goal I feel beholden to, responsible for. Like a book project, for instance. No matter how hard I try to hold loosely any “end product” toward a larger "goal," I cannot be free from expectation and feelings of ego-responsibility. This habit protected me for a long time, serving in the professional-tenure-driven way of thinking about publishing, which prioritizes the scholarly, the linear, the masculine. My tender poetic-feminine would have been scorned & ridiculed, which matters little to me now amidst proven establishment, my own self-confidence. The 500 words/day for its own sake gave opportunity for discovery and whimsy, deep feeling and bemusement. How can I continue to feel this way about the writing that seems to be coming these next months, that does have a felt sense of purpose within it? Is the definitive article the problem? "The" writing? Listening… I don’t know yet…
I also now remember how much I love to write—how very much a writer I am—independent of any purpose my writing may serve. For nearly ten years, my writing became a substrate in the elixir of co-birthing women’s community(ies). It was for myself, but it became woven into the purposes of others. Finding just the right voice to inspire and encourage, even goad, but not challenge too much, or offend. Thankful for those years; glad they are complete as well.
I still hear the inner caution against offending a reader, but it’s much less. It’s rooted in a trust that “Well, they signed up for this. They can read, or not; listen and receive, or not. They can unsubscribe if they want to.” My writing is for me to feel aloud, hone a craft, enjoy a play of words, feel connected to those who do want to be connected with me. Those that do not, or no longer choose to? It’s less personal and much more surrendering to their own journey, my own journey, both blessed.
The felt-sense of community within this blog-writing challenge is not insignificant either. Y'all cherished spirit-friends could listen in without feeling obliged to respond, which I can imagine feels much more ‘required’ or ‘expected’ when I would send posts’ links via an email message. I realized early on that each of you had a much stronger sense of being connected with me than I may have had feeling connected with you, your lives, challenges, gifts. I noticed an imbalance I would have otherwise acted to counter-balance, to "make sure of equanimity between us," if we were one-one-one. Instead, I got to feel a trust in the connection, regardless of my stewarding it. I got to write for me and trust connections would deepen that were supposed to.
All this freed something in me. I am easier in my writing voice and my devotion to each of you, each of us, all.
We all know true connection between human beings is not earned, or achieved through functional anything; yet my (our?) internalized or unconscious habits in a consumer materialist world place relationship in ‘buying/selling,’ ‘earning/achieving’ transactional interaction. One needs to get free inside somehow. I think writing from within, trusting whatever 500 words would show up to be good enough, and knowing there were folks whose Inboxes would light up with a blog-post freed me in this way.
And it’s just COOL now to review the post titles, linked for easy access for me in the future.
Thanks for companioning me here, and we’ll see what rhythms beckon in the days to come!
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